Something donned on me yesterday when I turned on the World Cup. I realized why football is not popular in America. Iran was playing Mexico. Who should I, as a good and faithful American patriot, supporter of troops, user of oil, listener to talk radio, root for in this game?
I am, of course, surprised and appalled that Iran is even allowed to compete in these games. This enormous oversight alone casts doubt on the entire institution of soccer. I am equally surprised that any Mexicans still live in Mexico. I thought that by now all of the good players would have left that country to play in the lucrative European leagues.
For an American to “get into” soccer, he/she would have to recognize that these other countries exist. The fact that we have had 150,000+ young men and women in Iraq for over 3 years and over two thirds of Americans can’t find the country on a map shows this country’s disdain for geography. It used to be said that Americans learn geography through war, but not even that seems to be working anymore. We just don’t want anything to do with other countries.
NFL Europe is a complete bust over here. It’s not because the scores are low, they are not. It is because the teams play in places we’ve never been and are full of players we’ve never heard of. We’d rather watch a boring 3-2 baseball game than root for the Frankfurt Galaxy in the World Bowl. It’s just easier. If someone truly loved the game, why would it matter that they are playing on the other side of the pond? It’s because the Frankfort Galaxy isn’t part of our cultural construct. We didn’t grow up hearing about that infamous game in Zurich where the rookie for the Amsterdam Admirals broke all of the single-game rushing records in one day. There are no highways named after legendary coaches. We don’t buy cars from a dealership owned by the famous Hamburg Sea Devils quarterback. It’s just not a part of who we are.
Our ‘world’ is much smaller. Much easier to comprehend. And to influence.
We call the teams that win our Super Bowl, NCAA football and basketball championships, the World Series, and NBA championships “World Champions.” They didn’t compete against the world. We simply assume that because they won here, they could win anywhere.
We usually don’t make a showing in the World Cup, so we don’t bother tuning in. Meanwhile, the best that America has to offer gets blown out of the water by a team that is pretty bad financial and political shape. But most Americans couldn’t care less about that, either.
Watch the World Cup. The entire world is interested. Let’s use this game. this moment, to help us understand why.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Thursday, June 08, 2006
A Captive Audience
Yesterday I met a man who scared me very much. He was wielding scissors, had a firm grasp of my head for nearly 30 minutes, and wouldn’t let me leave without paying.
He was my barber.
Actually, to be honest, I think that charging that much for a haircut is against the barber creed. This is why he is required by law to call himself a “stylist.”
It wasn’t the scissors or high prices that scared me most, though. It was the conversation. Two of the first several questions that he asked me were “So, what kind of work do you do?” and “Where did you go to school?” These were innocent questions – neither out of the ordinary nor invasive. Questions that anyone might ask to get to know someone better. You’re choice of school, field of study, and occupation often says a lot about you.
When I told him where I worked, the conversation turned political. When I told him that I went to Baylor, the conversation turned conservative. Crazy conservative.
Now, before I go any further, please let me explain something. Those of you that know me know that I am by no means a card-carrying Republican (though I once was). You know that I have very few nice things to say about Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, Lou Dobbs, or any other the other conservative scaremongers. I neither disagree completely with Dubya, nor agree completely with Dean, Kennedy, Clinton, Franken, or Biden. I welcome a healthy, well-informed discussion with someone that has an open mind. And I try to do my part by being well-informed and keeping my mind open.
That being said, this guy scared me.
Apparently “I went to Baylor” is code for “I, too, am a political conservative who bases my political views on my Christian faith.” Having made this assumption, he talked to me as though I should be nodding in agreement to the hypotheses that he was spouting off. I wasn’t. From the “one-world government” type paranoia to even a suspicion about the membership of presidential cabinet members being members of the Council on Foreign Relations, this guy was off the charts.
I don’t know from where he gets his news, but he did say that he listens to a lot of talk radio. Judging by the fact that he had absolutely no clue about the massacre in Haditha by US Marines, I think I have a good idea about the kind of radio shows to which he listens.
Why is it that the most vocal people are often the least informed? Perhaps it’s because if you don’t really understand the complexities of a given situation (and I am not claiming here to understand much, if anything), it is incredibly easy to offer a solution. It is also easy to be spoon-fed your news and solutions to the various problems in one big swallow. This is the service that crazy (often, but not always) conservative talk radio personalities provide. These (often, but not always) guys spout out information often citing other hosts as sources, and then provide solutions that they see as funny, clever, or incredibly simple. This is how “quick and easy” solutions like attacking Iran, the gay marriage ban, and building a big-ass fence along the Rio Grande gain such wide popularity. If the public is ill-informed about the complexities of a problem, it’s much easier to over-simplify the solutions. I have a simple solution for you: TURN OFF THE LOUD SCAREMONGERS AND FIND OUT WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON.
I’m sorry to yell. I just get frustrated sometimes.
I’ll leave all of the scary religious stuff that my stylist said to a later post, but let’s just say it made me nervous to know that this guy gets to vote. Not only this, but he belongs to a church full of people that are (presumably) just like him. They get to vote, too.
So, even though I was a little scared going in, and a little goofy-looking going out (the way he styled my hair, I looked like Conan O’Brian and Lyle Lovett’s lovechild), it was one of the best haircuts I’ve ever had. And the conversation, though scary, was interesting and a little entertaining.
He was my barber.
Actually, to be honest, I think that charging that much for a haircut is against the barber creed. This is why he is required by law to call himself a “stylist.”
It wasn’t the scissors or high prices that scared me most, though. It was the conversation. Two of the first several questions that he asked me were “So, what kind of work do you do?” and “Where did you go to school?” These were innocent questions – neither out of the ordinary nor invasive. Questions that anyone might ask to get to know someone better. You’re choice of school, field of study, and occupation often says a lot about you.
When I told him where I worked, the conversation turned political. When I told him that I went to Baylor, the conversation turned conservative. Crazy conservative.
Now, before I go any further, please let me explain something. Those of you that know me know that I am by no means a card-carrying Republican (though I once was). You know that I have very few nice things to say about Bill O’Reilly, Ann Coulter, Lou Dobbs, or any other the other conservative scaremongers. I neither disagree completely with Dubya, nor agree completely with Dean, Kennedy, Clinton, Franken, or Biden. I welcome a healthy, well-informed discussion with someone that has an open mind. And I try to do my part by being well-informed and keeping my mind open.
That being said, this guy scared me.
Apparently “I went to Baylor” is code for “I, too, am a political conservative who bases my political views on my Christian faith.” Having made this assumption, he talked to me as though I should be nodding in agreement to the hypotheses that he was spouting off. I wasn’t. From the “one-world government” type paranoia to even a suspicion about the membership of presidential cabinet members being members of the Council on Foreign Relations, this guy was off the charts.
I don’t know from where he gets his news, but he did say that he listens to a lot of talk radio. Judging by the fact that he had absolutely no clue about the massacre in Haditha by US Marines, I think I have a good idea about the kind of radio shows to which he listens.
Why is it that the most vocal people are often the least informed? Perhaps it’s because if you don’t really understand the complexities of a given situation (and I am not claiming here to understand much, if anything), it is incredibly easy to offer a solution. It is also easy to be spoon-fed your news and solutions to the various problems in one big swallow. This is the service that crazy (often, but not always) conservative talk radio personalities provide. These (often, but not always) guys spout out information often citing other hosts as sources, and then provide solutions that they see as funny, clever, or incredibly simple. This is how “quick and easy” solutions like attacking Iran, the gay marriage ban, and building a big-ass fence along the Rio Grande gain such wide popularity. If the public is ill-informed about the complexities of a problem, it’s much easier to over-simplify the solutions. I have a simple solution for you: TURN OFF THE LOUD SCAREMONGERS AND FIND OUT WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON.
I’m sorry to yell. I just get frustrated sometimes.
I’ll leave all of the scary religious stuff that my stylist said to a later post, but let’s just say it made me nervous to know that this guy gets to vote. Not only this, but he belongs to a church full of people that are (presumably) just like him. They get to vote, too.
So, even though I was a little scared going in, and a little goofy-looking going out (the way he styled my hair, I looked like Conan O’Brian and Lyle Lovett’s lovechild), it was one of the best haircuts I’ve ever had. And the conversation, though scary, was interesting and a little entertaining.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
A Few Observations
People whose explanation for doing something is simply "because it's a free country, and I have the right to," are most likely incapable of understanding that that makes absolutely no sense. These people should be avoided.
Example:
Rational Person: "Hey, uh, why do you own a handgun? You live in a gated community in the suburbs"
Insane Person: "Because it's a free country and I have the right to own a handgun if I want to, buddy!"
RP: "Oh, so you don't need a handgun, you just do it because you're allowed to. Got it."
IP: "Umm, yeah. And to protect my personal property from thieves, terrorists, and the French."
RP: "Right. Ok."
This same conversation could take place with someone who drives a dually and lives in an apartment, refuses to buy a Dixie Chicks album (even though they can't wait until they are played next on the radio), or see The DaVinci Code (even though they know that the movie can't actually hurt them).
People like this cannot be rationed with because they ignore the portion of the brain that gives the rest of us this capability. All we can do is keep our cool during conversations like the one above, and hope that somewhere (deep) inside, they too know that what they are saying makes no sense.
Example:
Rational Person: "Hey, uh, why do you own a handgun? You live in a gated community in the suburbs"
Insane Person: "Because it's a free country and I have the right to own a handgun if I want to, buddy!"
RP: "Oh, so you don't need a handgun, you just do it because you're allowed to. Got it."
IP: "Umm, yeah. And to protect my personal property from thieves, terrorists, and the French."
RP: "Right. Ok."
This same conversation could take place with someone who drives a dually and lives in an apartment, refuses to buy a Dixie Chicks album (even though they can't wait until they are played next on the radio), or see The DaVinci Code (even though they know that the movie can't actually hurt them).
People like this cannot be rationed with because they ignore the portion of the brain that gives the rest of us this capability. All we can do is keep our cool during conversations like the one above, and hope that somewhere (deep) inside, they too know that what they are saying makes no sense.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Beware of Grown Men in Shorts
Ok, Let me explain...
I was running an errand for work in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon one day, and I saw a man walking down the street. I saw several people walking down the street, in fact, but this man stood out for some reason. Something seemed a little...Suspicious. Now, this was a clean-cut man dressed in newish clothes just minding his own business walking alone not bothering a soul. "What was it, then, that created my suspicion?" I ask myself.
It was his shorts.
This was a grown man in perhaps his mid-thirties wearing a yellow plaid button-up shirt tucked into his olive green cargo shorts. He was also wearing oakleys and tennis shoes with white crew socks. Now, perhaps this choice in attire stood out because I happened to see him walking in one of the notoriously trendy parts of town. But it got me to thinking...
If this man has the type of job that allows him to meander around Dallas with not a care in the world on a Tuesday afternoon, one would be let to assume that he would have slightly better fashion sense than he was exhibiting on the day in question. Before you accuse me of judging this man for merely dressing in a way that shows blatant disregard for the last 10 years in the evolution of men's fashion, please believe me: he looked uncomfortable in his own skin and unfamiliar with his surroundings, like he was up to no good.
I didn't stick around to see what he was up to, but I know that it wasn't good. Of this I am certain.
So, in short, never trust a grown man dressed in shorts in the middle of a weekday. He should know better. Any man who shuns common sense like this is obviously spending entirely too much time devising an evil scheme to terrorize puppies and/or small children.
I was running an errand for work in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon one day, and I saw a man walking down the street. I saw several people walking down the street, in fact, but this man stood out for some reason. Something seemed a little...Suspicious. Now, this was a clean-cut man dressed in newish clothes just minding his own business walking alone not bothering a soul. "What was it, then, that created my suspicion?" I ask myself.
It was his shorts.
This was a grown man in perhaps his mid-thirties wearing a yellow plaid button-up shirt tucked into his olive green cargo shorts. He was also wearing oakleys and tennis shoes with white crew socks. Now, perhaps this choice in attire stood out because I happened to see him walking in one of the notoriously trendy parts of town. But it got me to thinking...
If this man has the type of job that allows him to meander around Dallas with not a care in the world on a Tuesday afternoon, one would be let to assume that he would have slightly better fashion sense than he was exhibiting on the day in question. Before you accuse me of judging this man for merely dressing in a way that shows blatant disregard for the last 10 years in the evolution of men's fashion, please believe me: he looked uncomfortable in his own skin and unfamiliar with his surroundings, like he was up to no good.
I didn't stick around to see what he was up to, but I know that it wasn't good. Of this I am certain.
So, in short, never trust a grown man dressed in shorts in the middle of a weekday. He should know better. Any man who shuns common sense like this is obviously spending entirely too much time devising an evil scheme to terrorize puppies and/or small children.
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