It's not just me, right?

Do you ever see someone and think, “What a tool,” and then realize that his/her dress/behavior/jokes/hair/etc are frighteningly similar to your own? If so, and if you’re anything like me, your immediate reaction is “oh, but I would really make that sweater/shoes/ pair of glasses sexy.”

Who am I kidding? I mean, really?

This is the same kind of judgmental attitude coupled with self-denial that in junior high resulted in my placing a “TV is bad” sticker on a wall that would eventually house a TV. This is tantamount to calling someone on your cell phone to tell them that you are now completely off of the “grid.”

Blind rage combined with an underdeveloped sense of direction can certainly result in some embarrassing ironies (Michael Richards’ claiming to be Jewish, for example). Luckily, if you have a sense of humor and a willingness to acknowledge your own ability to think and do stupid things, yesterday’s embarrassment can be today’s funny story.

A Few Morsely Morsels

“I’d start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock”
- Zach Galifianakis<>R>
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An ExxonMobil executive complained to me yesterday about the pollution in Tokyo being worse this time of year because of the weather. I mentioned that Santiago, Chile suffers from the same problem. He replied, “Ahh yes, but Tokyo has significantly more cars though.”
This particular gentleman and I are quite aware of our differing opinions on climate change, global warming, etc.


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This article, of course, picked out selections from Ahmadinejad’s latest letter to Americans. You know, sometimes he makes some pretty good points. Unfortunately he spends most of his time scaring the shit out of Israel, so we’re never going to be able to take him seriously.

Clever Like a FOX

FOX interrupted the Simpsons this weekend with a flashy promotional piece for their fancy Tuesday primetime lineup. They wanted to make sure that I knew that both Standoff and House would be all new this week. What was interesting about this particular promo piece, however, was the intermittent interjection of the comforting phrase, “you’re never alone.”
At first, this struck me as odd coming from a television network. But then I realized that this was precisely the sentiment that the network hoped to convey to its viewership.

What FOX really wants to instill in you is the following:

Rest assured. If you find yourself being held hostage by some maniac in the greater Los Angeles area, Ron Livingston (of Sex & the City fame) and Emily Lehman (of Standoff fame) will briefly put aside their inconvenient and awkward love affair to save your life, and will do so in just under 60 minutes (including commercials).

Or, if you’re a hypochondriac:

Don’t worry. If you find yourself afflicted by some random disease, a drug-addled Hugh Laurie (of Blackadder fame) will refuse to dress like an actual doctor while gladly spraying you with some experimental medicine. He will then immediately pinpoint the super-rare ailment that is currently afflicting you. The he’ll take more drugs while confidently wielding his cane.

Essentially, fat America (I include myself in this slam) can breathe a sigh of relief because Rupert Murdoch’s designer-clad problem-solvers are on the case.

The bigger question, I think, is how much do we, the American TV-watching public, look to television for comfort and friendship. Now, I understand that this should be a question relegated to absurdity, but honest observation will, I think, prove otherwise.

Take FRIENDS, for example. I know of several people who, by the end of the 10 season run, felt a sincere connection with the six characters. These people are not social degenerates or chronic introverts who look exclusively to NBC for their social interaction. Since FRIENDS was universally popular, it could easily be used to relate other FRIENDS viewers. Now, don’t think that by talking about “these people” in a distant third person that I am putting them down in any way. I have shows that I relate to and enjoy, too. I pride myself for having developed a keen “Seinfeldian” outlook on life, and tend look down on those who are not as highly evolved.

So, in case you find yourself lost (I know, I like that phrase, too), all I have illustrated thus far is that people a) watch TV, b) they like it, and c) they talk about it after they see it. As irrelevant and useless as this might seem, you’re right.

Irrelevant, that is, until you meet someone whose sole means for interaction with other human beings seems to be whatever they happened to have watched on television the night before.* Granted, TV is often entertaining and sometimes interesting. I watch a lot of it. But one has to be aware of how often one’s conversation starts with “Oh my god. You should have seen it. Last night on…..”

I think that FOX ultimately wants to remind people that they “are not alone” because they hope to be that one thing that stands between the public and absolute loneliness.

“I know I’m not out with friends right now, but I am by no means alone. I mean look, Ron Livingston is right here in my living room. I can’t wait to tell everyone at work all about it. They’ll be so interested.”

*Yes. I still have a short-term memory. I do recall writing something about a “Seinfeldian” outlook on life. I maintain that this outlook was formed over years of observation and conversation with fellow Seinfeldians. I think that my outlook on life would have developed just as well without Seinfeld, just perhaps not as rapidly or acutely. It’s kind of like those people who followed the Grateful Dead around the country. Just because Jerry Garcia formed a band and took a liking to pot didn’t automatically cause all of those people to adopt an affection for tie-dyed clothing and Winnebagos. They were already willing and able. They just needed a namesake.*

My Impending Unemployment

So, in two months, I will most likely be unemployed and in a foreign country. I quit a job that, other than the usual complaints (demanding boss, too much work, too little pay, etc), isn’t really that bad. I have a decent apartment, a newish car, and a good group of friends here. Why would I up and move to a foreign country with no job and plenty of bureaucratic, linguistic, and professional barriers in place to keep me from finding one? Since I have to sell, parcel out, and move all of my earthly belongings, and then dive into the unknown, am I not risking a whole lot? Aren’t the stakes ridiculously high here?

Yes. The stakes are incredibly high.

If you watched The Office last week, you may remember the dilemma facing the awkward characters in that great show. The people who work in one of the offices featured in the show thought for a while that the office was going to be closed. After it was revealed that their office would not, in fact, be closed, one of the characters said something to the effect of
"Wow. So much for moving to Costa Rica and learning how to surf. I guess that there will be plenty of time for Costa Rica…..when I’m 60."

This is precisely why there is so much at stake. It will always be easy to stay where it’s comfortable. Complacency is never difficult. I have never lived more than 10 miles away from I-35. Trust me, it’s not difficult.

I may fail at this. I may get down there, completely freak out, not learn the language, not get a job, and have to come right back. That is a very real possibility. I’m trying very hard to prevent that from being the case, but I know that it is certainly well within the realm of possibility. It may even constitute a great majority of that realm.

What I do know is that at 24, I don’t need to spend more than two years at this job. If Argentina isn’t right, at least it’s not wrong. Staying in Dallas is easy. Staying in Dallas would be wrong.

The stakes are incredibly high here because if I don’t get the heck outta Dodge, I just might become Festus. (I love a good Gunsmoke reference) As funny as he may be, nobody wants to be Festus.

Where's the Outrage?

You may think that my most recent post is rediculous because instead of being happy about a week that sent Rummy, Santorum, and Mehlman to monster.com, I found some obscure races in Dallas and Ellis Counties to bitch about. I'm sorry. I'm usually the silver-lining guy.

I just can't muster it this week.

A friend sent me this article and things haven't been right since. I know that we have all read articles similar to this before, but please try to read it and not be angry.

I dare say that it’s impossible.

What a week

Where to start…..

Among all of the good news this week is the great news that the wise people of Pennsylvania kicked renowned homophobe Rick Santorum out of the Senate. Now if Oklahoma can wake up and get rid of Tom Coburn, perhaps the Senate can leave the constitution alone and have a meaningful discussion about Iraq. But, since my oldest sister and a handful of good bands are among the few good things to come out of Oklahoma, I’m not holding my breath. (This is the state, after all, where I witnessed a shop-vac being used as a toilet.)

While the national political picture looks better, voters in Dallas and Ellis County rejected two great candidates for county judge. Margaret Keliher was defeated by Democrat Jim Foster, who has never held elected office. It’s a shame, because as the self-described “Mayor of Dallas County,” Keliher had a sincere concern for international issues—something that Dallas’ current mayor doesn’t care to be bothered about.

In Ellis County, the GOP’s unwavering and unlearned followers reelected anti-environmentalist and Joe Barton yes-man Chad Adams instead of former Waxahachie mayor Chuck Beatty. Turnouts like these prove (again) that straight-ticket voters are at best naïve, and at worst destructive. (See the Dallas County DA race, for example.) Just because Dubya and his crew have made some big messes, doesn’t justify voting straight Democrat in LOCAL RACES. And just because you think that Dubya can do no wrong doesn’t mean that the right guy (or gal) is always riding an elephant.

With Rumsfeld gone and possibly facing charges, it looks like Tony Snow’s alleged warning that “this is not a time for floating ideas” might (hopefully) be the last breaths of an Administration in denial.

What’s really interesting about the charges being mounted against Rummy, is that it appears not to be all for show. Among those listed at possible defendants in the TIME article listed above is John Yoo, the man given the responsibility to provide the Administration’s intellectual and legal backing for torturing POWs. Since it seems that public opinion, if not (I assume) 99% of ethicists and John McCain are in the majority in saying that torture is wrong in any situation, perhaps these trials could (read: should) get some traction. I know that the US’ longstanding policy of “do what we say, not what we do” will certainly be called upon, thereby preventing Rummy from doing hard time for Abu Ghraib. And that’s too bad.