Beware of Grown Men in Shorts

Ok, Let me explain...

I was running an errand for work in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon one day, and I saw a man walking down the street. I saw several people walking down the street, in fact, but this man stood out for some reason. Something seemed a little...Suspicious. Now, this was a clean-cut man dressed in newish clothes just minding his own business walking alone not bothering a soul. "What was it, then, that created my suspicion?" I ask myself.

It was his shorts.

This was a grown man in perhaps his mid-thirties wearing a yellow plaid button-up shirt tucked into his olive green cargo shorts. He was also wearing oakleys and tennis shoes with white crew socks. Now, perhaps this choice in attire stood out because I happened to see him walking in one of the notoriously trendy parts of town. But it got me to thinking...

If this man has the type of job that allows him to meander around Dallas with not a care in the world on a Tuesday afternoon, one would be let to assume that he would have slightly better fashion sense than he was exhibiting on the day in question. Before you accuse me of judging this man for merely dressing in a way that shows blatant disregard for the last 10 years in the evolution of men's fashion, please believe me: he looked uncomfortable in his own skin and unfamiliar with his surroundings, like he was up to no good.

I didn't stick around to see what he was up to, but I know that it wasn't good. Of this I am certain.

So, in short, never trust a grown man dressed in shorts in the middle of a weekday. He should know better. Any man who shuns common sense like this is obviously spending entirely too much time devising an evil scheme to terrorize puppies and/or small children.